Revelation 21:4

This is short. And very open. But sometimes writing it out can help us. And that’s just what I’ve done.

Warning: If you are my mother or mother-in-law, it’s probably best to skip this blog entry for the simple fact that you ladies are just as emotional as I am J

 

I got on the computer to do some studying, not write another blog. But here I am. Typing away with all of these thoughts flooding my mind. A dear friend came over this morning for our kids to play together, Along with her two older children, she brought her 6mo son. Her sweet, cooing, smiling, 6mo son. Alive and well. I couldn’t help but feel a bit of sadness overcome me as I watched her kiss his sweet chunky cheeks, nurse him, and hear his sweet cry as he tried to fight his nap. This. I wanted this. I had this growing in me. And now it’s gone. In Heaven. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror holding him as I walked to another room but couldn’t stop and look, for fear that I might just break down. I wanted to my holding my baby. The one that was in my belly not too long ago.

I went to the grocery store to buy some more ingredients for our green smoothies. Even though I am not growing another child at the moment, the hormones in my body still think I am, somewhat. And the bloating has not disappeared and it feels like it isn’t going anywhere. Not to mention all the fried comfort foods we devoured over the past four weeks in the states. I took a walk down the baby isle, just because. Just because I was by myself. The pacifiers, the rattles, the diapers and wipes, the bottles, the nursing supplies, it all stared at me. Staring in a distance of something, someone, I almost had.

Sadness. A feeling that was created. A feeling that is okay to feel. So in this moment, I am sad. But in some strange way, only possible by the Lord, I am able to feel sad about losing our sweet Gallman #2, but eternally joyful in the promise that one day there will be no more sadness. There will be no tears streaming from my face because the Creator of the Earth, galaxy, and universe will wipe them all away.

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So faithful. So constant. So loving and so true. So powerful in all you do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to You.

I know that you are for me. I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that you have come down, even if to write upon my heart. To remind me, who You are.

So patient. So gracious. So merciful and true. So wonderful in all You do. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to You.

I know you are for me. I know that you are for me. I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that you have come down. Even if to write upon my heart. To remind me.

That I know that you are for me. I know that you are for me. I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. I know that you have come down even if to write upon my heart. To remind me who you are.

-Kari Jobe